And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
