She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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