It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
