I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
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