also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
