So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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