I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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