I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
