I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
