She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Ketchup is God's man juice
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
