Nicole vs. Life
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
