so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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