I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I deserve to be covered in dicks
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
