I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
