Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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