I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
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There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
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I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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