I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
