please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
