Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
