yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
