It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
