take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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