He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
