So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
