So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Boobs are out for the taking
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
