i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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