I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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