the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
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