and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
