let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
