I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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