it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
