I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
