Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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