And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
