she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
