I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
