fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
