so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
