dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
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We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
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I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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