Your tits are I can't wait for
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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