where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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