Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
