I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i just google imaged poop.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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