my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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