Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
