Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
