As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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