Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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