I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
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I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
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do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...