Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
