you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Randomize
