He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
