Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
