Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
