I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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