So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
