The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
