you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
