if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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