Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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