Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
