the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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