"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
