Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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