My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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