You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
