wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
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