she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Will exercising make me less horny?
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