new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
