it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
